Family estrangement is not a topic that’s often talked about in the world. It can be difficult for some to understand how someone could choose not to have contact with their family members, but it happens and there are many reasons why someone might make this choice.
There are also ways to move on from family estrangement in a healthy way. In this blog post we’ll discuss how you can move on from family estrangement so you can find peace and happiness again.
I’ve learned that it’s not easy to let go of the past. I can’t help but think about my family all the time and wonder if there is anything I could have done differently for them to still want me in their lives.
It doesn’t matter how many times people tell you that it’s going to be ok, or how much time has passed since you last saw them-it never gets easier.
Today, I’m sharing some tips on how to move on from your estrangement with your family so you can start living again without constant worry about what they’re doing or who they are spending time with.
Family estrangement is a painful and difficult separation between family members. The effects of losing a loved one to this situation are far-reaching, leaving both the estranged parent and child with feelings of loneliness, anger, sadness, frustration, and confusion. It can be hard for children to understand why their parent has chosen to leave them out of their lives – especially when they have been told that it’s because they were bad or disappointing in some way.
It’s hard to see your child grow up and move on with their life without you. Some moms feel left behind, or forgotten by their grown children. Worse yet, the family estrangement can seem permanent; like it will never go away. But there are ways to start moving on from this difficult situation that is common in families today.
Understand the Situation
The first step to moving on from family estrangement is understanding the situation. Try and understand why your child chose this path, or how they are processing their feelings about leaving you out of their life.
Sometimes there’s a specific event that sparked the decision, but often it has more to do with something in childhood that made them feel unsafe and unwanted – like being yelled at for mistakes all day long; or having too much responsibility as an adult without any guidance or support.
Whatever the cause may be, try not to take what your estranged child says personally: remember these statements represent thoughts they’ve carried around inside themselves for years before actually speaking up about it. When feeling angry over something said by your estranged son or daughter (or vice versa.
Take a break from being in contact with the family member
Start by taking a break from your family. When you’re feeling angry, hurt or sad about the estrangement, take a break from contact to give yourself space and time:
Say no when your family member asks if they can text you. Don’t agree to hear their voice on Skype without setting boundaries first – like how long will it be? What are we going to talk about? When is this conversation over? And end by telling them that you’ll let them know when you want to talk again.
Block the person’s phone number so there won’t be any missed calls showing up on your caller ID (unless of course it’s an emergency). You could also choose not answer during specific hours of the day; for example, don’t pick up after dinner but before breakfast
Seek out support from friends and family
Moving on from family estrangement can be a difficult and isolating process. You may need to work through your feelings and reactions with friends, family members, or people in the community who understand how you feel.
When you feel ready, reach out again to the person who is estranged from your family. Share how it has made you feel over time, what they did that hurt you so deeply that you felt as though there was no way for this relationship to continue (practice self-compassion by forgiving yourself!), and tell them exactly what needs to happen in order to move forward.
Give yourselves space and time before reconnecting; let both of you heal first!
Give yourself space to heal
Space to heal is important. Give yourself time to heal before reaching out again
It’s not easy, but it can be done. You’re stronger than you know!
If someone tells me I’m being “unrealistic” about a family member who has distanced themselves from me, I try to remind myself that they may not be seeing the whole story.
Gather your thoughts and feelings about what happened
Try to write down your feeling about the situation. Take some time to reflect on the estrangement and how it has affected you.
The first step in moving forward is getting clear about your feelings. What are some things that happened when this person cut off contact with you? What do they need from you before they’re willing to continue their relationship with you?
How have these events made me feel? Angry, hurt, confused… Those emotions will come up again as we work through our differences. Practice self-compassion by forgiving yourself!
Take responsibility for what went wrong (but not because of blame). This may sound counterintuitive at first but taking responsibility doesn’t mean blaming someone else; it means accepting full ownership of the situation so that both parties can move past it.
Talk to someone you trust about what’s going on, even if they don’t have any advice for you
If others ask me why I haven’t been in contact with my family for years and how come we never hear from them anymore, I usually tell them this: “I am working towards forgiveness and reconciliation in a way where all is forgiven”.
Consider how this has affected your life and think of ways it might be affecting others’ lives too.
Think about how the situation impacted others.
It can be difficult to navigate these emotions.
Talk to someone you trust about what’s going on, even if they don’t have any advice for you. It can be difficult to navigate these emotions.”
If others ask me why I haven’t been in contact with my family for years and how come we never hear from them anymore, I usually tell them this: “I am working towards forgiveness and reconciliation in a way where all is forgiven”. Consider how this has affected your life and think of ways it might be affecting others’ lives too.
Write a letter or email to your estranged loved one, telling them how you feel and what you need from them in order to move on.
Sometimes words are better said via a letter.
If I were writing an email or letter to my estranged loved one, here is some text that I would include: ‘I hope we get our chance someday soon because I still love who we used to be before everything changed.’
Write down your feeling and then choose to send the letter at a later date.
The letter is a way to express how you feel and what you need from them in order to move on. It’s written down your feelings.
Practice self-compassion by forgiving yourself for any mistakes that may have led up to the estrangement
You also need to forgive yourself. So many of us are stuck feeling so guilty and responsible for the estrangement. We need to forgive ourselves, too.
You may have made mistakes leading up to or during the estrangement period that you’re not proud of–that doesn’t mean that it’s your fault!
The letter is a way to express how you feel and what you need from them in order to move on. It’s written down your feelings.
Practice self-compassion by forgiving yourself for any mistakes that may have led up to the estrangement You also need to forgive yourself. So many of us are stuck feeling so guilty and responsible for the estrangement.
Talk to them about what happened and how it made you feel
Tell the other person involved about how the situation made you feel. You may have made mistakes leading up to or during the estrangement period that you’re not proud of–that doesn’t mean that it’s your fault!
This post includes information about family estrangements, including how they happen, why people get estranged from their families for reasons such as abuse, addiction or neglect but also how someone can overcome an estrangement by writing a letter of forgiveness and moving on with life.
Give yourself time to heal before reaching out again
Sometimes time is the best medicine for healing family problems. Try giving the problem a rest for a few weeks and see what happens.
If the estrangement continues for a long time, and you’re wondering how to get them back in your life again, try writing a letter and sending your feelings via the mail.
What are some other ways in which you could address estrangement? What has helped you move on from a family member who was estranged from you or vice versa? Share them below – I would love to hear your story too.